what i’m not doing

“Most of the stuff that got us into trouble was perfectly legal…”  President Obama said that last night.  I missed him on the Tonight Show.  Sleep is very high on my agenda during this flare.  I’m sorry I missed his appearance, because I always feel reassured when I hear him speaking to the public.  I hear the voice of reason and calm, and the logic and intense concentration when he is dissecting a problem remind me that we have a smart, conscientious presence in the White House.  I sleep better.  I “rest assured”.  Love that phrase, and its literal meaning.

okay.  caps for the president, but the fingers are still stiff so i have to regress.  25 milligrams of prednisone is not removing the stiffness.  that is a worry to me.  i don’t want to go any higher.  i hate the 60 milligram blasts that make me manic.  i despise being so pumped up on prednisone that i rush around the house doing chores even as i know that i should be moving more slowly, resting more.  once i was so manic that i left my house on the sabbath (i was really celebrating it then) to go to the hardware store, and i had to look at myself closely to make sure i was wearing all my clothes.  monitoring oneself that closely is no fun, but  cruising around ace hardware choosing tomato plants was still a blast. 

i know my body as an extremely chemical entity, responding one way to x and another to y, predictable as clockwork in some aspects, an experimental subject in others.  the illusion of control-my life depends on who’s in the pharmacy. 

these are things that are not getting done while i wait for my next treatment:

1.  photographing new products and listing in store

2.  grocery shopping – although i may take a ride in the cart today

3.  visiting friends

4.  sorting out clothes and clearing my next room, the master closet

5.  trip to the post office with nonurgent returns

6.  trimming lucy’s nails

7.  vacuuming up the spilled scraps from the shredder

8.  whipping up a pile of stuff for the opening of the chattanooga market

9.  sorting completed projects into their proper bins

10. random phone calls to check up on family and friends

11. other stuff that i’m suddenly too tired to delineate

my treatment is scheduled for april 1 and 15.  that will put a stop to this nonsense.



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