Family Illness, Personal Angst

It is Wednesday already.  Time slipped past me as I was getting over my Cymbalta withdrawal (completely gone!!), worrying about my ill daughter, and now caring for my daughter here at home.  My daughter had the foresight to be with her father when she got sick.  After a very rough night, he took her  to the emergency room, where she had several arduous hours of neglect followed by a bit of treatment.  We decided that home was the best place to recover, and met in the middle to transfer her to my care. 


Any parent knows the two top rules of having a sick child.  The first is that you would prefer to take on their symptoms than watch them be sick.  The second is that having them where you can see them and care for them takes away a lot of anxiety.  I am thankful for things that occupy me and make the time of healing pass more quickly.


In between fetching meds, making special meals, and reassurance, I am knitting and thinking.  I’ve almost completed a beautiful green top knit from Wigwam, a cotton tape yarn.  Last night my daughter did me the tremendous favor of modeling it for a moment.  No item of clothing that you create comes alive until you see it on someone.  When there is a moving, breathing body in it, you can finally tell if you’ve created a beautiful adornment or merely a body covering.  I know that I can design something that works – fits and covers the body, withstands multiple wearings, is appropriate for the age and situation of the wearer.  The harder struggle is to reach that higher plane that determines why someone would choose this piece over something else.  Yes, I know, you still can’t see the piece.  Very, very soon I will have photos.  I just need to finish the very top of the back, and stitch the shoulders together. 


I’ve loved knitting the Wigwam.  It doesn’t have the usual inflexibility of a cotton, since it is already knit into a flat, linguine-like structure.  I’ve been able to make beautiful ribbing and to twist it into lovely lace structures with no difficulty.  It will hold its shape much better than a garment knitted with just a strand of cotton.  Those are notorious for stretching and bagging.  I love the way tape and ribbon yarns form stitches, their way of defining your knitting by falling into place with an order that you could never force.  One of my spring/summer plans is to use more tape yarns.  I’ve gathered some rayon, bamboo, and soy from my “home collection” to get me inspired, thinking about ways to really show it off. 


A few years ago I was knitting with haphazard abandon.  I was happy with anything that came off my needles.  Now I’m planning by seasons, anticipating what is sellable and wearable, molding a “look” and a unique aesthetic.  I filled in my application to be a vendor at the Chattanooga Market again.  If this year continues as it has begun, I’ll be able to go once or twice a month and have more selling opportunities.  With lupus, those are fighing words.  I can’t begin to anticipate what tomorrow will be like, health-wise, much less the remainder of the year.  That’s okay.  I will keep up my happy denial and continue to knit my plan. 


I’ve done a bit more packing.  That is seeming less and less a chore, and more like a treat that I deserve.  I get to a point in cleaning out where I feel the wisdom and hope involved in getting rid of a bunch of baggage.  It works for mental and physical loads.  I don’t believe in purging, as it is nonselective, but a thoughtful perusal of the territory, followed by wiping out what is no longer useful–I’m long overdue for that.  The rooms I attack always go through a phase where they seem much worse than they were before I began.  All the junk is out in the open, I can barely navigate through the exposed chaos, and I feel tired just looking at it.  If I push on past that point, and continue to clean out, everything freshens up and breathing room starts to be evident. 


I suppose that most of the art in my bedroom will have to come down before we go to market.  I have lovely line drawings of nudes by Lawrence Mathis, a large original painting of abstract nudes by Marvin Posey (who recently died young of a heart attack), and a seriograph of Thomas McKnight’s Ophelia with her body outlined in the river.  I’ll have to trade them out for some meaningless landscape that makes everyone feel comfortable.  I hate being on the market.  It’s you, personally, on the market, along with your house. 


Enough nonlearning computer time for the day.  Time to go crochet some turtles. 



One Response

  1. I’m sorry to hear your daughter has been sick. Of course, she’s getting the best possible care!

    And you’re definitely planning to put your house on the market? Any ideas of where you’re going to look when you leave there?

    Be sure to let us know when you’re scheduled to be at the Chattanooga Market.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: