Pain Management I

This is me, in pain.  The right knee is throbbing and full of fire.  The feet don’t want to touch the floor.  They scream at the slightest pressure.  The stomach is upset from pain medication.  The legs are swollen to above the knees.  The left median nerve sends electric shocks through the wrist, into the palm.  The hair is loose in its follicles, coming out easily. 


This is me, knitting.  The knitting is for distraction.  It is constant, furious, making things to cover the pain.  A scarf, a hat, another hat…the pile grows but cannot stifle the physical discomfort of this body.  Today, an afghan, a larger bandage to put on the legs and feet.


This is me, exercising.  Sitting on the bed, arms in the air.  Up-down, up-down, up-down, until the triceps ache.  Up-down, up-down, moving the muscles that can move, grateful for muscles that can move.


This is me, winding yarn.  Away from home, no swift or ball winder, the hands do the work.  Wind a large hank for long knitting. 


This is me, taking pills.  A pile of pills, one or two for everything:  the immune system, the inflammation, the pain, the fluid, the allergies, the depression, the vitamin support.  Pills to glue this body together, plug the holes, make it work.


This is me, thinking.  Thinking that this is just another day, thinking that other people have it much worse, thinking that sad thoughts can be pushed aside, thinking of the things that matter.  Thinking away the pain, breathing out the pain.



6 Responses

  1. Oh, dear – I’m so sorry this flare came on with a vengeance – especially when you’re not at home. I hope it subsides quickly!

  2. This is me praying for you that tomorrow will be a little better.

  3. you are awesome….and a true inspiration. I pray the pain goes away….

  4. This is us, sitting in the sun, hoping that cat will walk across the street again.

    Can you believe the excessive screaming noise a little tiny dog can make and alarm entire neighborhoods all on account of a cat?

    We love you. Sit. Stay.

  5. As I was reading what you wrote, I feel what you are feeling…I dont know you and I am thinking of you..

  6. your descriptions are so vivid i am having sympathy leg pains now. i hope you are well enough to join us at knitting tomorrow but if you’re not there, we will definitely understand. hang in there and take an extra pain pill – i won’t tell…

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