Busy Thinking

I started knitting a pair of socks last night.  I love hand-knitted socks, and I have exactly one pair, so I think it’s time to take the strain off them and knit another.  I have this fabulous Austermann Step yarn, which comes “mit Aloe Vera und Jojoba Ol”.  Fortunately I still speak a little German and can translate: “with aloe vera and jojoba oil“.  While I am working my little arthritic fingers to the bone, knitting super-skinny yarn on size nothing needles, the oils are working their way into the skin, softening and moisturizing my hands.  I may be 50 but my hands look 30…

 

sockbeginninga.jpg

 

As you can see, I’m knitting on two circular needles.  Aside from looking very cool and professional, this technique allows me to try on the sock as I knit it and saves me from losing stitches when I dump the whole thing into a bag.  Since I am a loose knitter, my stitches don’t exactly hold the needle in a death grip, and I tend to see them sliding off double-points rather frequently.  That’s not to say that using double points isn’t a fierce, totally sweet talent, but I’m in love with Cat Bordhi (author and knitwear designer) for giving me an alternative.   I know that someone is saying, “Well, why not just buy your socks?”  and I’ll forgive you because that statement tells me you’ve never had the bliss of hand-knit socks on your little tootsies.

 

sockbeginningb.jpg

I’m right at the point in the sock cuff where I could be tempted to bind off and leave it as a beautiful ribbed wristband, but No! I will not give in to the knitting devil.  I am faithful to my sock dream. 

 

Knitting always gets me thinking (sometimes a good thing…).  Today, I was about two inches into the cuff when I started musing about ways to save money.  Since this is a blog for sharing important information, I thought I’d let you in on my ideas. 

  • Rent out the dog.  People who love dogs sometimes live with people who don’t, and maybe someone would like to rent her for a few hours while their dog-hating spouse is at work or practicing at the rifle range.  She would also be wonderful for sick or elderly people who want that convenient cuddle without the need to open the door for fourteen bathroom breaks a day.
  • Lease one side of the garage.  With the daughter at college, I have 70 square feet of space that will hold up to a Chevy Suburban comfortably.  I could run an ad in the Philadelphia Inquirer; it was very hard to find a parking space when I lived there.
  • Plant rice.  One back corner of my yard is a swamp after every rain.  How much brown rice can you harvest in a 6 x 10 foot plot?
  • Sell hand-knit stuff.  Oh yeah, I already do that. 
  • Cut hair.  I don’t have any certificates or training, but my hand is very steady and I have a good grasp of geometry.
  • Sew badges on Girl Scout sashes.  When I was a Girl Scout leader, some of the no-sew moms were gluing them on with super glue.  Very bad form. 
  • Talk to plants.  People could bring their plants over for me to baby sit.  I love to have a conversation, and I will talk to anything.  I could charge by the word or by the minute, maybe with a bonus related to amount of growth.
  • Edit stuff.  I’ve noticed that everywhere in American writing (advertising, articles, blogs, t-shirts, signs on telephone poles) there has been great slippage in appropriate word usage, spelling, grammar, and general readability.  I have an excellent ear for proper usage, a large vocabulary and the ability to recognize that a spell checker will let many improper things pass. 
  • Call and wake up college students.  “This is your mother.  Please wake up and go to class.”  For an additional fee, I could add more specific messages:  “It’s Tuesday, time to change your underwear.”
  • Give stove lessons.  Americans have grown accustomed to the microwave, carry-out food, and eating out.  Now that the experts are saying “Eat real food,” I could teach people how to use their stoves.  “This knob turns the oven on.  You have to pick the temperature at which your food will cook; that’s the big numbers on the dial…” and “Sorry, you can no longer store your comic book collection in the oven.”

Anyway, as you can see, I have plenty to do today, and I’d better get on with it. 

Peace.

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3 Responses

  1. I have quite a few students in my department who could use the “wake up – go to class” service. I hope I don’t have any who need the “change your underwear” service!
    As for editing things, if you could just get people to *use* the spell checker, that would be an improvement!
    And maybe someday you can teach me how to knit socks. Maybe someday I will have the patience to learn how…

  2. What a lovely choice of yarn. I loved your post this evening. Too funny! I wanted to stop by and thank you. Simon found a note you posted about my blog. I was ready to close the blog but knowing there were people out there who enjoyed my ramblings compelled me to continue.

    It has been snowing non stop in Steamboat and we have been stricken with the winter blues. There are not really many options for retail therapy since the mall is a good 3 hours away in fair weather. I decided to look at the bright side. I may be knee deep in snow but when spring hits I’ll be knee deep in goat shit and mud.

    I’ve been reading about your medical woes. I have found acupuncture and homeopathy to be very helpful. I tend to stay well even when everyone around me is dropping like flies. There is also a formula called Pure Synergy (see http://www.thesynergycompany.com) that heals from the inside out. It tastes horrible but in tomato juice is nearly palatable.

    Take care and thank you for visiting the ranch. I’m looking forward to seeing the socks when you are finished.

  3. Rent the dog to college students who want to sleep in.
    Rent the dog to the rice farmer to weed the paddy.
    Rent the dog as hair style model.

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