Early Morning Assessment!

Mornin’ people!  Sometimes I love having lupus, because the irregularity of it, the unpredictability, provides some incredible highs juxtaposed on black holes.  Let me explain (you know by now that I can’t help explaining!).  I’ve been ticking along with very small, gradual improvements in my condition.  I can tell that the flare I’ve been in for months is improving.  Overall, however, it has been a long, dismal stretch with lots of physical impairment.  I haven’t been able to walk more than a few steps without pain, my energy has been nonexistent, I’ve had to plan every movement of my body and prepare for pain before I get up, put my feet on the floor, pick up my knitting…and then suddenly I wake up in the morning and I feel kind of normal.  The only thing that hurts is the area that was injected two days ago.  I am sitting up without thinking about it.  I had a good night’s sleep without hunger from prednisone or pain waking me. 
Feeling like this even for a few minutes is a tremendous gift when it comes after a tremendous stretch of autoimmune disease torture! It’s even more remarkable to me that I wake like this when I consider my activities yesterday.  In the late afternoon I got in my car and drove to the Village Market in an Adventist community nearby.  Suddenly I felt like my normal diet was necessary.  I am back to desiring my old vegetarian fare:  lots of fruits and vegetables, beans, ancient grains, and the fun dishes I invented with them.  I stocked up on fresh fruit, turnips and rutabagas, collard greens, millet and hummus.  (Usually I make my own hummus but I wanted to have some yesterday and I need time to get those beans in the crock pot.)  The stress of shopping the aisles of even a smaller grocery store and then lugging five bags of groceries into the house and putting them away would previously leave me drained the next day, but not now!
Don’t get me wrong:  I don’t think God “gave” me lupus so I could experience this or even for a test or to strengthen my character.  I don’t think God gives us bad things.  My own take is that if God is involved, it is in Her decision to let us exist in an imperfect world.  In the place we live, we are susceptible to the problems and effects of our surroundings, and in that way we are able to have all manner of unpleasant and downright deadly experiences.
People keep telling me about The Secret.  For the record, no, I don’t think there’s anything to it.  First of all it is unsubstantiated and unscientific.  It states as fact things that are just somebody’s musings and attempts to explain the universe in a very simplistic way.  (Also for the record, if you want to sell something, that works!)  The premise that we get what we ask for, attracting the things that we desire and express, is totally ridiculous.  When you look at a population of chronically ill people you realize that bad things happen to good people who had positive outlooks as much as bad things happen to the most pessimistic and negative folk.

The important thing is not to let the bad stuff drag you down mentally and emotionally.  Immerse yourself in something that doesn’t depend on your physical abilities.  Give what you can give and recognize your own value.  Buy some nice yarn and a pair of bamboo knitting needles and knit something cool.  Like a turtle. 

Today I’m going to have an MRI of my brain and some x-rays of my back.  (The brain is working okay, I just need a baseline in case my new therapy affects it in some yukky way.)  I’m going to cook collard greens and turnips and rutabagas.  I’m finishing the third block of my niece’s blanket.  I’ve crocheted nine turtles and I’m going to felt them and crochet some more.  I’m going to drop off my handknit hats for the kids at my church if my energy allows.  I hemmed a robe for my mom yesterday and I have to get that to the proper authorities, i.e. the sister who is in charge of my parents’ care. 

Heck, I can’t do any of that if I don’t stop writing and get a cup of coffee and some oatmeal. 



2 Responses

  1. I’ve gotten to where I like having MRI “pictures” taken. Can’t wait to hear your experience. The best part of having an MRI of one’s brain is that one can prove to one’s sister that one has a brain (contrary to comments from one’s sister)!!!

    Also, I’m really excited to hear you’ve woken up feeling kind of normal. What a nice way to start the day!

  2. One’s sister is still unsure!
    (oops! Mema might be reading this! Better behave!)

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