13 Stars

 Ever since the first treatment three days ago, everyone is asking “How do you feel?”  I will attempt to answer that for today.  I have to be up a few hours before I can take a good inventory.  This one is shaping up pretty well.  Here’s the rundown:

Energy                          ********

Pain                               *********

Stiffness                       ******

Sense of humor           *************

Knitting desire            *************

Travel desire               ********

Appetite                       ******

Okay, totally unscientific, but 13 stars is the best for the good stuff like knitting and the worst for the bad stuff like appetite and pain.  I definitely don’t feel as bad as that listless day after the treatment.  I’ve been up for a while, knitting on the mohair wonder and having that healthy oatmeal and an apple and turkey slices breakfast with my daughter.  I’ve just realized that my stiffness is definitely better.  My hands and fingers are very limber, and my hips didn’t feel as stiff this morning.  How about that?!

I am watching Stigmata for the first time.  I am jealous of the young women in Frankie’s shop, the hip hair stylists and body piercers.  Some days I wouldn’t mind a couple of purple streaks in my hair and a small loft apartment in the artsy section of a large city.  But I wouldn’t want to be the star, Frankie (Patricia Arquette), who is being inflicted with excruciating pain that she doesn’t understand, from a belief system that isn’t hers.  It makes me think of the pain inflicted on some people by the extremely religious, judgmental, “right Christians”.  Yes, I know that in this country they’ve been dubbed the “Christian right”, but I think that most of them believe they are both right and right.  Attacking people with harsh judgments and unrestrained criticisms, insisting on unquestioning stewardship, moving the religious into the political realm…I am a Christian, but I cannot be “right” like that.

I am looking forward to the end of the holidays.  Does that sound crazy?  I kind of want the regular stuff to be available again, like I want Yarn Works to reopen and all the online places to be back to regular business.  I haven’t really been tending my store like I should.  I have cashmere pieces to photograph and list, and things that I no longer like to remove from the display.  But the holidays hold me back, give me this lethargy toward work, make me feel like I am wasting precious holiday time when there will be plenty of work, work, work soon enough.  There has to be something perverted about this kind of thinking in a person who is no longer officially employed. 

In the movie, Frankie is now at the arch diocese being cared for by the nuns.  I want to jump into the screen and warn her.  In the eighth grade I started Catholic school.  A non-Catholic, I was submerged in the culture of religious teachers and daily mass.  My teacher, Sister __, was the principal of the school.  When children were sent to her for discipline, she would take them into the cloakroom at the front of our classroom and spank them.  Afterward, the little kids would come out crying and she would return to our lesson, smiling.  Yikes!  Run, Frankie, run! 

I am horrible to go to the regular movie theatre and talk to the characters on the screen when there is danger involved.  Ever since my first scarey movie, The Wizard of Oz, when I tried to warn Dorothy about the wicked witch and the flying monkeys, I have gotten seriously involved with the action and talked to the characters.  As a kid I didn’t see many scary movies, but I do remember The Birds, and then The Exorcist.  Now I watch horror movies only when there’s someone in the house with me, although Dayna fell asleep during Stigmata and left me gasping alone.  I doubt that I’m going to make any further progress in this watch-scarey-stuff-alone thing.  I’m proud just to be able to see Friday night TV by myself. 

I haven’t talked about Lucy much because she tends to dominate things.  Dachshunds are very stubborn and when they want to be the center of attention, they do a damn good job of it.  She’s sitting here staring at me, hoping I will pick her up and put her in her chair.  I suggested that she jump, something she’s perfectly capable of doing, or take the stairs that I so kindly provided, or rest on her cushions that I placed under my desk.  Her gaze is compelling, but I will not give in.  She is a dog and she can jump.  This morning she gazed me out of a couple large slices of deli turkey.  I am so weak.  Aha!  She jumped!  We’re 1 and 1. 

Peace, people, enjoy this day.


One Response

  1. Glad you’re feeling better. I like the new look! 🙂

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