I am so tired today.  My mother sometimes says “I feel like death warmed over” or “You look like death eating a cracker.”  Those are the statements that describe me today.  I am so drained, perhaps from the long visit yesterday, perhaps from my current active lupus, or maybe it’s the death of all those little B cells.  Losing thousands of cells must have some effect on your body.  I keep thinking I’ll hear them screaming.  Maybe they are clinging together in little islands of cells, pushing their brothers towards the big, bad drug and trying not to be touched by it.  Or maybe I’ll reach in my ear and pull out a big clump of teeny B-cells, looking like little smiley faces with their eyes closed (because they are dead, duh!). 

Anyway, I am tired.  In this part of Tennessee they say “tarred”, so tired rhymes with hard.  Maybe it should.  It’s hard to be this tired.  I don’t want to hold a book up long enough to read a page.  I don’t want to type with capitals because it’s extra effort to hold that shift key down.  I’ve asked Dayna to go fetch things for me half a dozen times because my legs are not only stiff but tired.  She has her facebook page open and I’m too tired to try and peak over her shoulder and see what other people’s children are doing.  I am too tired for conversation so I let the calls go to voicemail and then listen to the messages to see if it’s important enough to make me talk. 


Notably, I am not too tired to knit.  I just finished the last strip on Dayna’s blanket, and it is going to be beautiful.  The very last deep rose block is simple:  on the right side, I knit across the row.  On the wrong side, I do knit 1, purl 1 across the row.  Occasionally I slip in a couple or three garter rows. 


The pale pink block is all garter stitch.  That was my resting point after doing the fancy stitching in the other rose block.  I made the hexagons by seeing them in my mind and figuring out how to outline them with purl stitches.  Maybe another day I will look at it and count the stitches and write it down.  This is too tired a day for that, but I will show you: 

hexagonblock.jpg   hexagonblockb.jpg

Okay, hang on.  I’m going to take this tired body to the deck and shoot a couple pictures of the fabled mohair.  Oops, NOT.  The body says “sit down” and I am complying.  We’ll do mohair tomorrow. 

Thanks everyone, for hanging in there with me through this journey.  Your nice notes and calls are really holding me together.  And Dayna, you are a star. 



2 Responses

  1. Keeping you in my thought and prayers.

  2. Your description of how you feel is EXACTLY how I feel right now. Makes me feel a little better to hear you say what I do. I often feel guilty for being sick. Geeze…I’m too tired to think of any synonyms for feel ;-p

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