I am due for another round of rituximab next week and then two weeks later. I must cancel. I am not sick. I mean, there is no indication that a flare is coming soon. I am cheering very quietly, trying not to disrupt the natural flow of good luck here. Speaking of luck, it may be affecting my real estate situation, too. I’m all set to occupy my next home, and the not-yet-sold house has been getting more attention lately. I am whispering when I say that someone liked it enough to take a bunch of photos this week. Don’t want to put any pressure on that luck thing, but an offer would be great…
I am light-years beyond the state of mind that says we can bargain for luck. I can be as good as gold and not be lucky. I appreciate it when I see it, but I know I don’t deserve it and that it could trickle away at any time, without explanation. In spite of this, my recent days have been filled with fortuitous occurrences. For example, despite a delay in making our trip to Athens, my daughter and I moved her things without difficulty and were back just in time to catch a visit from my Minneapolis sister. Tied to that was my recent good health, which allowed me to be at IHOP before 8:30 a.m. today, to enjoy pancakes and see her off.
I can think of so many “lucky” things that I’m aware of an undercurrent of anxiety today. When I start seeing lucky occurrences, it is my nature to accept and enjoy them, but to leave a small piece of consciousness focused on waiting for the other shoe to drop. I start trying to work out things in my head, things that aren’t yet at the working out stage. I ponder the nature of my luck and try to predict the duration of it. I poke it and prod it and wonder where it came from, and if I can send it away. I blow it up to mythic proportions, embuing things with luck even when they aren’t particularly lucky, by calling myself lucky to have avoided the opposite. For instance, I might say to myself that I’m lucky to not have a boyfriend, because it means that at least I don’t have a bad boyfriend.
Okay, now I’ve spooked myself. I can’t stay on the topic of luck any longer without losing sleep over whether I’ve interrupted this good spell by talking about it. Instead, a summary of recent projects. The Chattanooga Market seems to be full of folks who want items of clothing for babies and children. Since that has been the greatest interest, I’ve knitted and crocheted a pile of small hats, most of them cotton. I’m still working on cotton baby blankets, too. I’ve been reveling in the use of Blue Sky Alpaca Dyed Organic Cotton. It is ridiculously soft and cuddly, the stuff to wrap your little ones in. Dayna’s chicken is finished, and it’s a lovely overstuffed creature. She wanted it to be very full and round, rather than the slimmer silhouettes shown on the pattern, so it is well-filled. The body is purple, crown and wattles are lime green, and beak and tail feathers are neon pink. I had big fun making it. I finished it in Athens and it hasn’t been unpacked, so I have no photos yet.
I am actually contemplating staying home when my daughter returns to school. She has recruited a couple of boys and her dad to help move her things into the new apartment. I am not needed for hauling (thank God!). I may go along later to help unpack things, if it looks like she will be busy with recruitment for her sorority. We are doing this separation thing nicely, thank you very much. It makes me feel like a better mom, backing off until I am summoned.
A confession: Tonight, after I prepared the house for a late showing, I put on my turtle necklace. A friend gave it to me yesterday, a beautiful pendant with a dragonfly on the turtle shell, made by a Lakota woman. I have come to appreciate the slow, steady progress of the turtle, and the density and strength of its simple shell. Having a chronic illness like lupus requires a long view and a steady pace. Nothing happens quickly, but I look back and see my tremendous improvement from last year.
Filed under: AfricanAmerican, knitting, lupus | Tagged: Blue Sky Alpaca Dyed Cotton, knitting, lupus, organic cotton, parenting | 1 Comment »